Favourite Words

It’s so amazing how the choice of words can change the impact of what you say. I’ve loved the sound of some words, and the pain of others. Some words I’ve loved are agony, desperate, acquiesce, ostentatious, denoument, plague, devotion, chaos, idiosyncrasies, madness, serendipity, kismet, karma, and intuitionI just realized that these words could actually describe a lot of my personal views and the things that often strike me first. Could it be that the words that appeal to us the most as individuals say so much more about who we are and how we see things? What words do you like?

ephemeral

The word I liked most from BuzzFeed’s list. View the rest here: “32 Of The Most Beautiful Words In The English Language”

“Fall”

Sometimes I don’t understand
The teardrops that fall on your hand,
Darling, you’re so beautiful
Why would anyone make you cry?

The thoughts that fall from your head
The dreams you hide under your bed,
Darling, they’re so beautiful
Why do they make you cry?

Sometimes I can’t help but smile
When I see stars fall into your eyes,
Darling, they’re so beautiful
How can anyone make them cry?

The way you let your heart fall for those
The ones who don’t deserve it the most,
Darling, you’re so beautiful
How can they make you cry?

I’m waiting for you at the finish line
Fall into me, my arms are open wide,
Darling, you’re so beautiful
So beautiful you make me cry

“Existential Depression in Gifted Children”

Existential depression: a depression that arises when an individual confronts certain basic issues of existence. Yalom (1980) describes four such issues (or “ultimate concerns”)–death, freedom, isolation and meaninglessness.

Something a lot of us writers feel. Reading this article brought so much clarity. It gave me some insight into why I find myself fighting so vehemently for social causes from time to time and why I cannot handle doing meaningless tasks for long or being involved in meaningless relationships.

Click HERE to read the article.

Crossroads and Crosswords

Remember the black boxes and the spaces between them?
We filled them up more than once, I can’t forget
There were tough words, there were rough words,
But we somehow always found the ones that fit
Right until we found the one that didn’t.

Where’s the trash can?
We have to throw it away,
I don’t want to but I can’t make you stay.
Did I try hard enough? Did you make an attempt?
I hope I remember I gave the best I could give.

Standing at these crossroads
Thinking of those crosswords
I am the trash that you finally threw away

You found a new brain, maybe it’s a better brain
But it will never know your mind in the ways I did,
Maybe it’s time for me to look high and low
In nooks and crannies above and below,
For someone else to find words with
Why couldn’t it be you?

I am here again, like I have always been
Looks like I never left the squares we were in
I am here again, like I have always been
Waiting in the black boxes
For you to fill me again.

“Slipping In”

She could feel his gaze resting intently on the side of her face. She could feel it burning into her porcelain skin, the delicate strands of her black hair doing nothing to shield her.

“Can you stop staring at me?” she asked, without turning to look at him.
“I couldn’t if I tried.”

The sound that ensued was one of complete silence juxtaposed against loud, warring hearts.

“Why did you do it?”
“I don’t know.”
“Are you sorry?”
“More than words can say.”

If that was true, they wouldn’t have found themselves having this conversation again.

“Why is it so hard for you to give me what I need?”
“I want to.”

He really did. It just want convincing enough to actually make him do it.

“I just want you to love me wholly.”
“I would love you more if only I knew how.”

She was slipping in.

“You have time for everything else but me.”
“But you’re the only thing that’s always on my mind.”

She sighed deeply as she wondered what it must feel like to have someone love you with everything they are and actually mean it. But it didn’t matter. She was slipping.

“Let me be your everything,” he said as he noticed her eyes soften. He pulled her close into an embrace, and she gravitated towards him like a butterfly to a Venus Fly Trap, unable resist the force that was compelling her.

“This place always reminds me of you,” she said, looking over his shoulder at the city lights twinkling in the distance. “That’s why I come here so often. That’s why I hate it when I do.”

“I’m sorry,” he said as he planted a kiss on her head. “Let me make it right? I’ll do it right this time. Let me in.”

She had never let him out. They both knew that all too well.

“I’ll be enough for you.”

Lies.

She knew he wouldn’t but she was slipping. This would never be good enough for anyone, but at this very moment, it was enough for her. Maybe this time, maybe, he would be close to being just enough. She silently begged him in her mind, to please be enough as she sank further into his arms, waiting to be devoured. This would be a nice place to die, she thought. She always knew all that she was living for would one day lead to the death of her. And this was it. She was slipping, slipping out of reach. She was slipping so far down that she wouldn’t be able to be rescued. But it didn’t matter. The only person who could save her was the one pulling her in.

She had slipped.

“Precious”

You came on a horse that I couldn’t see,
Bringing me flowers that I couldn’t feel,
But they were there, just like you were there,
And you were filling up the atoms in my atmosphere.

Everything you are is everything I need,
Everything you show me is better than a dream,
There is this strange madness taking over me,
For once I hope you’re as mad as you can be.

I wanted you to be everything that you already are,
I want to be with you in the ocean beneath a million stars,
But will you still feel for me when a hundred years have passed?
Will I be your thoughts? Will I be your last?

“Someone”

I wonder what it feels like to have someone be all about you, to have someone put you first, above everything else that comes into their lives. What does it feel like to have someone be on the same wavelength as you at all times, who feels for you with an intense passion that can never be extinguished, whose only purpose in life is to stay close to you, and whose existence will be futile should this goal be left unfulfilled? How does it feel to know that someone falls into a hazy swirl at the smallest thought of you? What does it feel like to know that someone would give up the stars and the sky and the chance of an afterlife just to be able to be with you in this moment, in these few and fleeting moments that are slipping by faster than we can run?

How does it feel to know that someone wants nothing more than to spend every moment of their life looking at you? Someone who promises you an eternity of togetherness and actually proves it, someone who feels anguish when you are in pain, someone who will do anything it takes to make you feel alright. In moments where life does injustice to you, I wonder how it feels to know that in these moments, you have someone who will always be on your side, who feels hate for all that makes you unhappy with a hate that only the devil will understand.

What’s it like to have someone fill you up with themselves, with everything that they are, with everything that they give to you? They would be full with everything that you give and don’t give. The little ways that you reciprocate are enough. More than enough. How does it feel to know that someone is waiting for you to come to your senses, while you spiral out of control trying to find ways to give up on them more than just a few times each day? How does it feel to have someone who wants to give you all that they have and more, as they wait for you to realize that you are taking something so rare for granted? In your heart, they know you know that you will never find anything better.

I know you know.